The First Post

My personal understanding of the term dysthymia as it relates to me is that I do not like the ways things are, realize that I am unable to change things to the way I wish they could be and am unwilling to accept things the way they are. Maybe you could call it just having a bad attitude, I certainly heard that enough times while growing up... I was diagnosed with cognitive dysthymia, complete with the inevitable Zoloft script some years back and discovered that their anti-depressant was only good for 1) sexual dysfunction & 2) splitting headaches as the dose was changed. Phooey! So much for better living through chemistry, at least that way.

So I just press on living day to day with a little forethought as to the future and what I can do today to ensure that what I do today doesn't make tomorrow any worse, at least the parts of tomorrow that I have any control over. In my struggles with the day-to-day I have learned that there are things I do have control over and use that power when I can. For example, I used to have a very abusive engineering job, one that almost killed me - I walked away and am still here. Similarly I was once married to a person with schizophrenia whose problems were more than I could deal with - I am no longer married to that person. The word, I guess, is survival and I am, I guess, a survivor, but why I survive I do not know, I guess, it seems to be the only door that is open. So I just survive. And most importantly, why? It is the only thing I know to do. Any other alternative involves too much effort or too much pain, plus there's an elephant in the room I'm not willing to discuss at present, that we can save for later. Enjoy the concept, you've got something to look forward to...